MV Quick Tip: How to Get the Appreciation You Deserve

If you’ve been feeling unappreciated in your relationship lately, today’s MarsVenus Quick Tip is for you.

In love, little things make a big difference. In the day-to-day of your relationship, it can feel overwhelming to address all the problems or create all your dreams at once. That's why we love to bring you these quick tips. Something accessible you can try on and experiment with. It might be new, it might be a helpful reminder, and it might be totally counterintuitive. We invite you to play along.

Desiring appreciation when you work so hard and contribute so much is completely natural. Yet it often becomes a sticking point in relationships. But, if we truly love our partners, why is it so hard at times to give and receive appreciation? Allow us to explain...

In this post, you’ll learn what both men and women can do to overcome this love bottleneck and boost the flow of appreciation in their relationship.

For you to experience more appreciation from your partner, you must first identify whether you are operating more on your masculine or feminine side.

Here’s why:

When a woman is too much on her male side, she will feel a greater need to be appreciated.

Most women today work in a traditionally male role all day, leaning on their masculine side to help them succeed in that environment.

When a woman gets home from work, it’s easy to get stuck on her masculine side. She often even has an inner resistance to shifting back to her female side.

Her brain, in response to stress hormones, gets stuck needing to solve problems and can’t waste time talking about them. She has to accomplish and it’s often easier (and more efficient) to do things herself.

And, because she is doing so much, she is likely to feel that her partner isn’t giving her the appreciation she deserves as a co-provider.

Appreciation is what the masculine needs to feel successful and motivated.

At work, her masculine side gets paid with a paycheck.

At home, she is looking for that same fulfillment in the form of appreciation.

And, because the masculine is competitive, it is keeping track of all she does vs. what her partner does. If there is a discrepancy (and depending on which partner you ask, there always is) she may also resent her partner’s need to be appreciated.

After all, she does so much and she doesn’t even ask for much in return.

What is there to appreciate?

The problem here is that then both partners want to be appreciated, but neither of them are inspired to deliver appreciation.

A man will not want to appreciate his partner if he doesn’t feel appreciated and especially if he feels like she thinks “he owes her” appreciation.

Competing with your partner for appreciation is a no-win situation.

The masculine alone cannot solve this relationship stress point. We need a feminine balance to bring harmony, abundance and love back to this dynamic.

 
Here’s what we suggest when you find yourself desiring appreciation:

Women, when you’re feeling the need for appreciation, it is a sign that you are on your male side.

In order to bring yourself back into balance to fully express all of who you are, and indeed what you uniquely can bring to a relationship, you need to overcome the inner resistance to your feminine side and get curious about how to shift to the feminine.

The secret lies in this sentence: You do so much and you don’t ask for much in return.

Your feminine side is receptive. She does less and asks for more.

Deep inside, what a woman needs to fulfill her feminine side is loving care and support. She needs a cooperative, caring, and supportive partner. The most immediate way to feel that support and come back to her female side is through new communication tools and practices.

The simplest tool to start trying this out is to talk about how you feel.

When you communicate your feelings about your day and challenges, you switch from the masculine “solving” mode to the feminine “feeling” mode.

And, when you make this shift to your female side, your primary need naturally shifts from “appreciation” to “care, respect, and cooperation.”

This creates an ideal situation.

When a woman moves from competing for appreciation to needing her partner’s loving support, asking for it, and receiving it, she will then naturally and genuinely appreciate her partner for being there for her.

Men, when you’re feeling the need for appreciation, notice if your partner actually needs your loving care, support, or cooperation.

Ask her what support you can offer. Listen to her feelings. Show her the caring, understanding, and respect she needs in order to receive your loving contribution and appreciate you.

These qualities of love nurture her female side. As she gets those needs fulfilled, her appreciation for you increases.

And when the man feels he is appreciated, the woman can then expect that he will overflow and appreciate all that she does as well. 

This is what happens when you shift the game from tit for tat to loving reciprocity that only the masculine and feminine can create together. 

This is a win-win situation where everyone feels appreciated and loved.

Remember, thriving in love doesn’t have to be complicated. Just keep learning and taking small steps because you deserve a great relationship!

Grow in love,