MV Quick Tip: What to Say When He Just Won’t Listen

If you’ve ever shared something with your partner, only to hear his response back and think, “Did he even hear what I said at all?” then today’s Quick Tip is for you.

In love, little things make a big difference. In the day-to-day of your relationship(s), it can feel overwhelming to address all the problems or create all your dreams at once. That's why we love to bring you these quick tips. Something accessible you can try on and experiment with. It might be new, it might be a helpful reminder, and it might be totally counterintuitive. We invite you to play along.

It’s natural for couples to misunderstand each other from time to time, but that certainly doesn’t make it any less frustrating. When his responses don’t feel thoughtful or helpful, it can make you feel like he doesn’t listen (or worse: just doesn’t care), but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In this post, you’ll learn one phrase to say that will get him to really listen.

Often when a woman is sharing her thoughts and feelings with a man, he can get:

• Resistant
• Frustrated
• Defensive
• Impatient or even...
• Distracted

At this time, it’s easy to take this personally and think he doesn’t care.

You may also get resistant, frustrated, defensive, or impatient yourself as you feel he’s completely misunderstood you!

A woman’s first impulse may be to say:

• “You’re not listening to me!”
• Or “You don’t understand.”
• Or even “You’re not really hearing me.”

All of these phrases bring out the worst in a man. Why? He is doing his best at that moment and he feels criticized for not being good enough.

This can escalate a perfectly benign conversation into an argument.

So rather than say those phrases that press his buttons or interpret his behavior in a way that makes you feel unloved:

Here’s an alternative for when you feel like he just isn’t listening:

• First, pause and consider that he is doing his best to understand you.
• Then say, “Let me try saying that a different way.”

When a man hears this phrase, it conveys the message that he has not fully understood her but in a non-critical way. He is much more willing to listen and reconsider what she is saying when he does not feel criticized or blamed. As a result, he is more eager to support her.

This magic phrase is like a reset button for the conversation and you can feel free to press that button anytime!

Next time you feel he’s not listening or understanding you, remember that he’s doing his best and wants to help. Simply pause and say “Let me try saying that a different way,” and try again.

You’ll find he will be able to listen without becoming defensive about his line of thinking, and you’ll feel more heard and understood too.

Remember, thriving in love doesn’t have to be complicated. Just keep learning and taking small steps because you deserve a great relationship!

Grow in love,