MV Quick Tip: When Your Partner Can’t Meet Your Needs...

If you ever wonder if you’re asking too much of your partner…

OR

If they’re asking too much of you...

Today’s MarsVenus Quick Tip is for you.

In love, little things make a big difference. In the day-to-day of your relationship, it can feel overwhelming to address all the problems or create all your dreams at once. That's why we love to bring you these quick tips. Something accessible you can try on and experiment with. It might be new, it might be a helpful reminder, and it might be totally counterintuitive. We invite you to play along.

One of the most beautiful things about being in a relationship is being able to be there for each other, especially in times of need. To both give and receive loving support. But when does healthy intimate dependence morph into something that doesn’t work?

In this post, you’ll learn exactly that.

When it comes to creating healthy intimacy in your relationship, you want to find the right balance of depending on your partner.

Part of the real joy of a special, intimate, and committed relationship is the opportunity to share and celebrate the good times.

Another part is being able to give to your partner when they’re in need and have them to lean on when you’re in need too.

It feels good to be needed and it feels good to be supported.

You just want to make sure that you’re finding a balance that feels good and is sustainable for both of you.

It’s natural to take turns in your relationship around who needs support and who gives it. We can’t all be heroes 100% of the time.

The problem comes when you’re in need and feel your partner isn’t “there for you.”

You reach out to them but for whatever reason what they have to offer doesn’t feel:

• Good enough
• Loving enough
• Patient enough
• Enough enough

At this point, it’s easy to get mad or get needy.

And both of these reactions push whatever love is available away. Because your partner can’t give to you when they’re being blamed for not being “enough.”

At times like these, it’s good to step back and ask ourselves if there’s another way we can feel better...

That isn’t dependent on our partner changing.

When you’re in need and your partner is not giving you “enough,” they still love you.

You can safely assume that they’re doing their best. Maybe they’re also in need (of time, space, reassurance, appreciation, rest…) and thus are unable to support you the way you feel you need it.

In order to experience fulfilling intimacy in a partnership, we must learn how to make ourselves feel good.

Because it’s unrealistic to depend on our romantic partner to do that job.

While your partner may be capable of this sometimes, they can’t always be.

When we start to depend on others to heal us, fix us, or change us, then we make it even more difficult for them to support us.

When you learn how to make yourself feel good, you open the door for them to contribute to your life and happiness in the wonderful way they realistically can.

It’s always, ultimately, our job to heal ourselves. Loving relationships can (and do) support us, but they are a “tool.”

One very powerful power tool in your fanny pack that helps you do the job of feeling good in times of need.

Sometimes they’re the best “tool” for the job and they’re happy to help!

Sometimes they need to tend to their own needs and that’s okay too. The love is always there.

Remember, thriving in love doesn’t have to be complicated. Just keep learning and taking small steps because you deserve a great relationship!

Grow in love,