Work with Me: The 8 Blind Spots Between Men and Women in Business

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Work with Me: The 8 Blind Spots Between Men and Women in Business by John Gray, Ph.D. & Barbara Annis

Less than 20 percent of the executives in the United States are women. Only 3 percent of CEOs are women, with no change since 1996. The rest of the world is not much different. Globally, only 20 percent of senior management positions are held by women.

For over 30 years, we have tried to tackle this problem of gender imbalance by forcing affirmative action policies and quotas on companies, with little positive change. These practices create resentment in men, who think the process is unfair. While they make women feel undervalued, unappreciated and frustrated in the workplace.

Our pursuit for gender equality is causing a cultural breakdown in society. We have painted ourselves into a corner with the idea that women and men are no different from each other.

Women have been forced to change themselves and act more like men. Men have been forced to change themselves and behave more like women. The result is just more miscommunication and misunderstanding instead of the equality breakthrough we expected by now.

Work with Me is a book that guides men and women to find greater success at work through a better understanding and appreciation for our differences.

Revealed for the first time in Work with Me are the Eight Gender Blind Spots, the false assumptions and opinions men and women have of each other that create misunderstanding and miscommunication at work and at home.

Throughout Work with Me, we uncover these blind spots with science, case studies and the gender-based research from consulting firms and leading universities. We also use the results from a very candid survey of over 100,000 men and women executives in Fortune 500 companies. These results revealed not only what men and women value and prioritize at work, but why and how they value and prioritize their work, themselves and the opposite sex.

We were able to see the biological and social influences that compel men and women to think and act as they do. We were also able to better understand how each gender communicates, solves problems, makes decisions, resolves conflict, leads others, and deals with stress differently.

We are not all alike. And we should not have to modify our behavior or learn new behaviors that are not authentic to ourselves. Gender is a function of both nature and nurture—first informed by nature, then shaped by society and culture. When we better understand the nature of our gender differences, we can learn how to nurture, develop, and complement those differences for greater success and satisfaction at work.

Work with Me will help you learn how to put yourself in the shoes of the other gender, how to truly listen, and how to get your own message across more effectively. Men will discover ways of building trust with women, and women will discover ways of increasing credibility with men.

This book is about increasing your understanding and personal awareness so the learning process remains authentic to you. This is about expanding your intelligence, making you more attentive, and deepening your understanding of how and why men and women think and act as they do.

The whole workplace is moving in the direction of greater collaboration and teamwork and there is greater acceptance of differences in the workplace. Yet, there is still a strong need to understand the traditional masculine and feminine reactions to problems at work so there is greater potential to respond intelligently in each situation.


Work with Me is a landmark work that examines today’s workplace opportunities and challenges through both an economic and social interaction lens and demonstrates why gender intelligence – not gender equality – will inspire a culture of inclusiveness and create a sustainable source of economic advantage for, individuals, leaders, and their organizations. – Lara Warner, Chief Financial Officer, Credit Suisse Investment Bank

No doubt about it. Group intelligence is highest when both genders problem-solve together. Now Barbara Annis and John Gray show us how to get the job done! If this book doesn’t make you think, you are brain dead! – Dr Wendy Walsh, Human Behavior Expert, CNN and The O’Reilly Factor

It’s time to get smart about Gender Intelligence. If anyone on Earth – or Venus or Mars – can sort out these complex relationships, John Gray and Barbara Annis can. “Work” your way through this remarkable book! – Harvey Mackay, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive 

I firmly believe that for all high performers, the end goal is the same: to work and communicate as effectively and successfully as possible. This insightful and well-researched book shares valuable guidance for executives and employees at all levels, all of whom face challenges with different styles, expectations, and approaches. Work with Me is an engaging and impactful read for men and women alike. – Janet Wood, EVP Global Strategic Service Partners, SAP

As a boss myself, working alongside my business partner and husband for the past 35 years, this book would have helped us so many years ago to avoid the misunderstandings and hurt feelings that took so much time away from the real object, which was creating success together and utilizing our combined strengths. Work with Me clarifies our gender differences and gives the tools for successful collaboration. – Suzanne Somers, Actress, author

It seems that most books written on gender relations implore women to act more like men and deplore men for acting like themselves. Men and women want to find ways to work and succeed together and to do so by being their authentic selves. Work with Me shows us how, with equal learning for women and men. It is refreshingly non-judgemental – neither gender is to be blamed or “fixed”. Annis and Gray reveal that gender differences are not weaknesses but strengths that are often misunderstood and undervalued by both genders. Work with Me is an enjoyable and enlightening read, filled with practical information supported by empirical data, scientific explanations, and dozens of anecdotes that skilfully and warmly reflect gender interactions in our professional and personal lives. – Valerie Sorbie, Chief Administrative Officer, BMO Capital Markets

Work with Me is the perfect blend of Annis’ cutting-edge research and insights into the minds of men and women at work, and Gray’s enduring contribution to our understanding of male-female personal relations. Together, Annis and Gray provide the perfect relational guide for men and women looking for happiness and success through greater understanding as colleagues, partners, and parents. – Jack Canfield, author and co-creator of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series

What a concept! Men being men and women being women. It’s about time we put to rest the failed notion that we are all the same. Annis and Gray introduce an entirely new way to think and talk about gender equality in the 21st century. Work with Me is a perfect blend of work-life and personal-life messages. No other book tackles the issue of men and women working and winning together. – Raymond Aaron, New York Times bestselling author of Double Your Income Doing What You Love

Annis and Gray bravely reveal the blind spots that perpetually prevent men and women from understanding and appreciating their gender differences, not hiding or suppressing their authentic natures, and as a result, finding greater success and happiness in their professional and personal lives. – Dr. Fabrizio Mancini, bestselling author of The Power of Self-Healing 

Work with Me is the definitive relational guide for the workplace, bringing insights and solutions to help both men and women eliminate their gender blind spots, powerfully complement each other’s natural strengths and efforts, and together achieve extraordinary levels of performance. – George H. Labovitz, Ph.D., Founder and CEO of Organizational Dynamics, Inc.

Annis and Gray confront, head on, the elephant in the room. Men and women are not the same, are quite different, and actually complement each other perfectly. It’s about time we begin to understand, appreciate, and value each other’s ways of thinking and acting. Work with Me bravely illuminates the path to greater understanding. – Jane Allen, Chief Diversity Officer, Deloitte Canada

We all know in our hearts and minds that men and women are different. We see it in the natural behavior of children. The reality—and beauty—is that the authentic person within is the perfect counterpart of the other. Work with Me opens our hearts and minds to that genuineness. This valuable book will unsurprisingly make an uplifting difference in your personal life and perhaps surprisingly a significant financial difference in your business life – highly recommended. – Stewart Emery, bestselling author, speaker, and teacher

It’s not out of our reach or idealistic to think that men and women, seeing the world through each other’s eyes and valuing each other’s line of sight, can make the world a better place. Work with Me is a sensational book filled with absolutely marvelous insights into the thought and actions of men and women. This book will certainly enrich and impact many lives. – Tony and Randi Escobar, founders of the Share IT Forward Academy

Men and women are individually creations of wonder, yet when engaged in unison, a harmonic is achieved. Our whole is more than merely the sum of our parts. Work with Me is not about tolerating the other gender, modifying our behavior, or learning new behaviors. It is about understanding and appreciating the genuineness within each of us and embraces our differences.Janet Bray Attwood, co-author of the New York Times bestseller, The Passion Test: The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Life Purpose 

I loved Work with Me — it is a vital read for anyone aspiring to lead and influence. Invisible to the offender (yet glaring to everyone else), gender blind-spots dangerously erode trust — THE critical foundation for unleashing performance and drawing out the best in every employee interaction and in every transaction–with all stakeholders. Who better to clear our vision on this murky subject than John Gray and Barbara Annis, whose authoritative insights span decades? What’s your Gender Intelligence quotient? Can you afford not to know? Trust me, you can’t. Read this book!Greg Link, co-founder CoveyLink, co-author Smart Trust

Based on decades of impeccable research and worldwide practice, Work with Me is without a doubt one of the single most important books of the year. The practical techniques offered within these pages outline powerful solutions for challenges arising from gender differences and allow men and women alike to succeed in creating more valuable, meaningful relationships by genuinely learning to understand and bridge their differences. To read this book is to invest in building better relationships throughout every area of your life. – Ivan Misner, Ph.D., NY Times Bestselling author and founder of BNI®

Barbara Annis and John Gray team up to make a winning combination. Can every man and woman expect to work so well together? They can if they read Work with Me! With sensitivity, insight, and real-life examples, this book unlocks the secrets of successful mixed-gender workplaces, helping both men and women play to their strengths, and appreciate the strengths of the other. – Scott Haltzman, MD, psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women

In this must-read, Annis and Gray examine how and why men and women think differently at work, and what we can do about it… Pragmatic and timely, Work with Me promises to be a game changer! – Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Work With Me is a lucid, evidence-based guide for a comprehensive and immensely useful understanding of the unique, sex-specific features of the human brain. Barbara Annis, an articulate and intelligent advisor to corporations, has taught us how to meld the talents of men and women into an effective whole. She collaborates with John Gray, who was the first to engage the public in understanding the differences between the way we think, plan, and communicate. The book exemplifies the fact that gender-specific science is not an emotion-laden pursuit, but an ever-expanding, evidence-based exposition of the extraordinary—and for the most part completely unexpected—sex-specific features of the human brain. This ought to be obligatory reading for every person who wants to fashion and maintain productive relationships. – Marianne J. Legato, M.D., F.A.C.P, Professor of Clinical Medicine, Columbia University, Founder, Foundation for Gender-Specific Medicine, Inc.

Palgrave Macmillan, 272 pages

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