If you’re a single woman feeling tired of dating because there’s only so many “failed relationships” you can take before you throw in the towel, this post is for you.
Dating can take a lot of out of you, especially with all the other things in your life that need attention: your career, friendships, self-care, and let’s not forget kids if you’re a parent too!
The good news is — even if you’re busy with a full schedule and life — you can still date without exhausting yourself.
In this post, I’ll explain why you feel so exhausted in the first place, how to shift your expectations and actions to feel excited about dating again, and simple techniques to try that will help you create a healthy, loving relationship that is deeply fulfilling to you.
I’m 42 and I’m still stuck.
I’m so tired of failed relationships. It’s exhausting.
And what sort of an example do I set for my daughter?
I’m afraid I’m damaging her by not showing I’m able to have a healthy relationship with a man.
I want to grow. I want to change. It seems to me that I can’t find the way.
Sarah, I’m so glad you found MarsVenus.com because you’re in the right place.
For anyone reading who can resonate with Sarah’s sentiment that she’s tired of dating and her concern that she’s damaging her daughter by not modeling a healthy relationship, this post will help you.
First of all, this concern reveals a lot about you.
It shows me that you clearly love your child so much.
It also shows me that you try really, really hard.
When you live in a world of thinking that says:
- “I have to be better.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “I must do right.”
You will inevitably be exhausted because of how hard you are trying.
Every child is going to have issues, but no parent is damaging their child by being single.
What you have to recognize first is that, if you’re tired of dating, the biggest problem is not that you have failed relationships.
It’s that you’re trying too hard and most likely have unrealistic expectations in relationships.
So… where do you go from there?
Why You’re So “Tired of Dating”
There’s nothing wrong with trying, but when someone says “I’m so tired of dating and failed relationships,” it’s a sign to me that they’ve tried too hard.
It’s a good thing that you’re putting your heart into this because it shows that you’re a good person.
But when you don’t know how to make a relationship work, your efforts may become “too much” because you want to get a result.
And, when you’re not getting that result, you may work even harder: giving more and doing more to make that connection and build that relationship.
This is natural, but if we want to break the pattern of exhaustion and being hard on ourselves, we need to make a shift.
Your first step is to lower the stakes.
This would mean beginning to have relationships with men who are nice and kind and interested in you — even if you’re not attracted to them initially.
Take off the pressure to meet that “perfect person” and have that hot, steamy, passionate, intense, deep relationship.
See how it is to be with a man and not feel the need to work to get his approval or his interest.
See how it feels to be with a man and not expect yourself to be perfect or expect him to be “the one.” There are very low stakes because your goals have shifted.
Your goal becomes learning a new approach to love that can reinvigorate you (and inspire your daughter).
Try a New Approach to Interacting with Men
The truth is most women don’t have a role model for successful relationships in the modern world.
Our parents tried but even if they were great, so much has changed that has impacted our relationships! We need to recognize what works today and adjust our approach.
In my book Beyond Mars and Venus, I share a whole new skill set that helps modern women more successfully date and create their dream relationships.
For example, I explain how to effectively:
- Be direct and ask for what you want
- Ask for support
- Express your feelings
- Give up complaining
- And much more…
These are simply not intuitive skills for most women — especially when you’re in a relationship with a man — because men communicate and respond so differently.
For example, a woman may want to create conversation and intimate connection with a man so she asks lots of questions and listens more on a date instead of talking.
But that’s not an effective way to grow in love with a man.
If you’re afraid to actually express yourself and show your own authentic self, your needs, wishes, and wants — worried that you won’t be loved or will put somebody off — you’re getting in the way of genuine intimacy.
Because when you’re totally comfortable with yourself and not seeking a man’s approval, you can express yourself in an authentic way.
This is what will lead to the healthy, passionate relationship you desire.
There’s a lot of new skills and techniques that you may find helpful in the book.
I’ve just touched the surface of what you can practice to make dating easier and less work: Ask fewer questions, talk more!
The best result of using these tools is that you can start having a good time again instead of feeling tired of dating!
Build New Skills to Enjoy Dating Again
In order to stop the cycle of exhaustion and move past the “stuck,” you need to shift your goal.
In dating, the goal isn’t to find the perfect person; the goal is to have a good time with a member of the opposite sex.
That’s the shift that will change everything.
But it does mean you need new skills.
Trying harder or repeating the same mistakes over and over will only exhaust you, make you feel tired of dating, and lose hope.
But when you understand men and women, how they interact, what their needs are, how they respond, and more importantly, how they don’t understand each other — which is the essence of what we share here at MarsVenus.com — suddenly it all becomes easier and you feel so much more optimistic and energized!
So the suggestion I have for you is to practice and play! With men! On dates!
Instead of looking to build an intense, deep relationship with the “perfect” person, look to simply enjoy time with a man who is kind and interested in you.
Practice your new understandings and communication skills in a low stakes environment.
As a result, you won’t be so hard on men, expecting them to be different, or be so hard on yourself!
This will also be good for your daughter as she will have a very positive view of men.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. We all need help improving our relationship skills.
Practice playing with new techniques and tools and soon you’ll find yourself having a good time in the healthy relationship you’ve been searching for all along.
Grow in love,