It’s like as soon as you leave school, there’s no easy way to find a girlfriend!
Meeting women can be a challenge and creating a connection that leads to a relationship can feel nearly impossible.
But there is a way! There is a way to meet women, approach them, and follow through so that she’s interested in taking the next step with you.
In this post, I’ll show you 6 places to find your future girlfriend and 2 you’ll want to avoid, simple scripts for how to approach her, and why “the pick-up line” is obsolete and what you should use instead to truly set the stage for connection.
Now that I’m out of school, I’m having a hard time meeting women. I just really don’t know how to approach them or spark a conversation. Can you give me some tips?
Retire the Pick-Up Line and Replace It with This
The days of the Pick-Up Line are well over. Thank goodness!
I wish I could offer you a fool-proof pick-up line because it sounds so simple, so easy, so efficient — one line and she’s yours…
But it doesn’t exist.
My dad, John Gray, says that the best way to spark a conversation is to introduce yourself. Okay. That’s authentic enough but where do you go from there?
Instead, look to your mutual surroundings and ask her opinion on something. She doesn’t know you, but everyone has an opinion and if you give her a chance to express hers and you treat it with respect, well, that’s a great first impression.
Once you approach and find common ground and get her talking, it’s time for you to use the pick-up line’s replacement and it’s called:
A great conversation isn’t enough to get you a girlfriend; you have to create an excuse for future connection and that’s what the Follow Through does.
So for each location and approach strategy, I’m also going to give you a script for how to Follow Through.
But first! Let’s explore…
2 Places to Avoid Picking Up Women and Why
You may be around women in these places but I don’t recommend approaching them with the intent to make them your girlfriend. Here’s why:
A Club or Bar: A woman’s defenses are up at a bar scene or party. It might be easier for you to get up the courage to talk to her when it’s made out of liquid but it’s not conducive to an authentic connection. Loud music, sexy clothes, and alcohol mean surface connections and games.
A Gym: Some women may feel differently but there is no way I want to be picked up when I’m sweaty and focusing on working out. There is already such an obvious connection to sex — tight spandex, sweating, breathing heavy, endorphins — that it just seems skeevy when a guy approaches. Women at the gym tend to be on guard.
Instead of the club or gym, approach her where she is more relaxed and receptive. Maybe give one of these locals a try:
6 Places to Find Your Future Girlfriend (and How to Approach Her)
1. A Park
Do you have a dog? If you do, there’s your in. Even if you’re babysitting your friend’s dog, it’s cool. Just say, “Hi. Oh, my goodness, your puppy is cute. This is Milo. I’m babysitting him for a friend.”
People who have dogs are immediately part of a community, and she will feel more comfortable opening up to you. That’s when you can follow up with, “My name is…”
If you don’t have a dog, feel free to approach a woman who has one and say hi to her pup. If that dog starts to wag its tail, you’re in.
Follow Through: “This was fun. If you ever want to do this again or even go for a cup of coffee, here’s my number. Text me and I’ll call you. It would be great to see you again.”
Why the combo of “If you…” and “Text me and I’ll call you” is communication gold:
- When you provide an “If you,” it gives her a clear excuse to text you and even gives her the words. The easier you make it for her, the more likely she’ll follow through.
- When you give her your number, it releases her from needing to decide on you that minute.
- You’re not asking her for anything so she’s less likely to think “No.”
- When a man gives a woman his number, she can feel pressured to call him and be the pursuer. She doesn’t like this either.
- So the charming middle ground is to invite her to text you and let her know that that will be your cue to call her and pursue her.
Seriously…this is brilliant. But you have to actually follow through and call her!
Women fall in love between their ears, which means they need to hear your voice in order for a real bond to grow. If you want to separate yourself from the pack and stand out as the man for her, this is how you do it.
2. A Coffee Shop
When I was single, I used to purposefully bring my school work and other projects to a coffee shop to work on in order to put myself out there in case a cute guy wanted to talk to me.
I can’t think I’m alone in doing this.
Approach her and ask, “May I share your table?”
If she says yes, sit down and read your book or work on your laptop. You can also ask her, “Is this a good place to study? This is my first time here.” Or “What’s the best drink on the menu here? What do you recommend?” Then introduce yourself.
A nice move is if she finishes her beverage, you can ask if she’d like another and then order it for her and pick up the tab. Super casual. That’ll make an impression!
Follow Through: “It was really nice chatting with you. Here’s my number if you ever want to meet for coffee on purpose sometime. Text me and I’ll call you.”
3. A Museum or Art Show
This is easy. Just ask, “What do you think of this piece?”
Exchange a few lines (nothing too pretentious, be honest) and then introduce yourself. Maybe continue the conversation to the next piece. Or maybe, if you know some stuff, walk up and say, “I love this time period. They…blah blah blah (fun fact).” Just don’t blah blah blah for too long or you might lose her.
This is all about shared interests and asking her opinion so feel free to let this inspire you for other locals.
Follow Through: “Well that was fun. I normally have to drag my friends to these things so it was nice to hang with someone who actually wants to be here. You know there’s a new exhibit happening over at the __________, I’d love to take you if you’d like to join me. Think about it. Here’s my number. Text me and I’ll call you.”
4. A Hardware Store
I’m not saying all women get overwhelmed the minute they walk into Home Depot but a lot of us do.
It’s almost impossible to get any help there, so if you see a woman wandering around who looks like she’s in need of help or advice, swoop in. Don’t be condescending; be curious! Ask about her project, what she needs help on, commiserate on the lack of “help,” introduce yourself, and if you really like your interaction, even offer to help her with the project!
This is all about finding a way where you can contribute to her life and make it better so feel free to let this inspire you for other locals and skills of yours.
Follow Through: “Sounds like a cool project. I’m happy to help. Here’s my number. You can text me any time for advice or if you need a hand and I’ll call you. It was nice meeting you. Hopefully, we’ll talk soon.”
5. A Grocery Store
You don’t have to know anything about cooking to pick up a woman in a grocery store.
Hang around the produce section and when you see someone you like holding some produce, say something like, “Hey, I’m trying to eat healthy but I’m hopeless with this stuff. Can I ask you what you’re planning for that [eggplant, mushroom, papaya]? Like how to prepare it?”
Now you’ve opened her up. You’re like a lost puppy and her guard is relaxed. She can give you advice on the eggplant and even some advice on the whole meal. Healthy cooking speaks to your values and that’s attractive. Once you’ve got her talking, you can introduce yourself.
This approach is all about asking for help in an area where you may not feel so confident, where you express some approachable vulnerability and set the stage for her to shine and be the expert. Feel free to let this inspire you for other locals.
Follow Through:: “Wow. Thank you so much. This was a lot of help. I’m going to take your advice and try my best. Hey, here’s my number. Text me if you remember, and I’ll call you with the update on how it goes!”
This is a great environment to connect authentically with women.
You’re both working for a cause outside of yourself. This is nice because it shows you are selfless and generous, which is extremely attractive. But also it’s nice to have the attention elsewhere because her guard will be more relaxed.
Simply say, “So how did you get involved with this program?” After a conversation is sparked, you can introduce yourself.
This approach is all about working on a common project or toward a common goal that is bigger than the two of you and can make it safe to bond, so feel free to let this inspire you.
Follow Through: “So, next week, same time? I love working with this organization but today, hanging with you, was my favorite. Here’s my number. Text me when you’re planning on volunteering again or even if you’re just craving ice cream and I’ll call you.”
Genuine Wins the Day
In general, the key is to not come on strong and, in fact, appear like you’re not coming on at all!
If you’re not asking for her number or asking her to decide on you right away, then you’re giving her space to think about it later, to let whatever impression you made soak in.
She may not be attracted to you right away but, later, when she’s all alone watching TV or scrolling social, she might think back on your genuine interaction and think, “Maybe.”
And then text you because…why not?
And now it’s your time to call her and show her what kind of boyfriend you could be.