With so much misinformation out there and conflicting ideas about “what women want,” no wonder a guy might feel a little lost before a first date.
You may not know her yet or you may know her but not in *this* kind of context. What you do know is that you like her, you want to show her a nice time and you’d like a real shot at being her boyfriend.
So in this post, I’m giving you 15 simple steps to follow on the first date to have her begging for a second.
What should a man do on a first date when he doesn’t know her well?
Great question! And the answer is simple: be a gentleman. Here is a list of basic first date etiquette that will charm and capture her fancy.
15 Steps to Follow on the First Date to Have Her Begging for a Second
1. Plan the date.
If you’re the one to plan the date then you already have points in your favor. But make sure the date is centered on something she likes to do rather than something you like to do and want to introduce her to. That date can be later. But the first date should be in her comfort zone and in the realm of stuff she likes.
Don’t know what she likes? Ask her! “What kind of stuff do you like to do for fun?” Easy!
2. Offer to pick her up and drive.
Make the offer but be flexible because she may want to meet you somewhere. Having her own car or exit plan independent of you can make her feel more safe and secure. This is not about you so don’t take it personally. This is about making her feel comfortable and in that goal, you are both on the same page! When she is comfortable, she is more likely to open up and be her authentic self with you.
But make sure to offer because it’s sexy.
3. Open the door for her.
Just do it. I don’t understand the debate. If she’s one of the 2% of women who have a hard time receiving this gesture, then this is the tip of the iceberg. She’s going to have a hard time receiving a lot of efforts you send her way.
So just open the door for her like it’s the most natural thing in the world and No. Big. Deal. Don’t wait for a thank you. This is about you showing up and making her life easier.
This gesture says, “Hey, I’m the kind of guy who can contribute to your world and make your life a little easier and a little bit more fun.”
4. Pay for the movie, dinner, or ice cream.
You don’t have to spend a lot. Keep the place casual and affordable (but not fast food!).
It’s the act of paying that will endear you to her, not the amount of money you spend.
5. Offer her your jacket if the night gets cool.
This is another opportunity to contribute to her world and her quality of life. When you give and she receives, it boosts your testosterone and it boosts her estrogen. These are the attraction hormones and this simple exchange can light a spark of attraction for her that wasn’t there before.
You might be cold but you’ll find that her smile or simple receiving will warm you right up. (And don’t worry if she says no, the offer is a nice moment in itself.)
6. If you’re doing anything active or athletic for your date, tune in.
Adjust the pace if she seems to be struggling.
Some men make the mistake of thinking this is a great time to show off, push harder, and Peacock. Resist the urge. Tune into her. Does she want to go faster or slower? Does she want to take a break and appreciate the view, catch her breath, and get some water? Tune in.
Make the date about her, not you and you’ll be miles ahead of most guys she meets.
7. Be supportive of her.
Don’t criticize, mock or belittle her points of view (even if you think they’re silly).
It doesn’t make you look any smarter, any better, or any kind of attractive if you put her down. The more you create a safe space for her to open up and reveal her authentic self and feelings, the more likely she’ll develop attraction for you.
Disagreeing is fine if you have to but honor her point of view and support her, be on her team, wherever possible.
8. Be respectful.
You can flirt but do not be perverse. Online chat culture and porn addiction have made it far too easy for men to say the most outrageous things to women.
You are not online with a fantasy stranger. You are on a date with a real person. Be respectful.
9. Look her in the eyes and slip her name into sentences.
This is a nice basic Win Friends and Influence People technique that will make her feel more trusting and connected to you.
Sometimes, the classics are classics for a reason.
10. Turn on the charm.
This does not mean, become someone you saw on television. This does not mean you need to be anything other than yourself. Just be positive and lighthearted. Bring your best you to the table.
Do not complain. No woman wants a man with problems. She might be friends with that guy — but he doesn’t get to be the boyfriend.
11. Do not discuss ex-girlfriends, previous dating experiences, religion (unless it is a deal-breaker), or politics.
Just don’t do it.
If she goes there, listen respectfully and then change the subject.
12. Ask her questions!
What do you do? Do you have any hobbies? Where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? What is your family like? What is your favorite band/TV show/book/movie?
Listen, look at her, don’t interrupt, and make little “uh-huh” noises.
Feel free to tell your own story but make sure she is doing more of the talking than you are.
13. Limit yourself to four compliments.
Two for her beauty: “You look lovely tonight” or “That dress is stunning on you.” And two for her character: “You’re really funny” or “You seem like a really kind and generous person.”
You don’t have to copy mine, what do you like about her?
If you give more than four, you risk sounding desperate, needy, and nervous and you might make her feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. However, if you give less than two, you may give the impression that you aren’t interested.
So get in there, the water’s fine!
14. Hug, don’t kiss.
Some guys kiss on the first date because they “feel a vibe.”
Men’s attraction cycles start in their pants and work up to their hearts and then their brains. Women, on the other hand, take more time to establish their attraction to a man. Their attraction cycle starts in their head, makes its way to their hearts and then their pants.
Think of it like this: a man is a gas stove; his fire is lit quickly. A woman is like a crockpot; she warms up a lot slower.
So it can take time and a patient consistent approach (a few dates) before she is hot for you too and ready to kiss you.
Avoid the kiss and give her a goodnight hug. But make it a good hug, breathe, be present, squeeze.
The feeling of being safe and warm in your arms will linger with her far after you leave her door.
15. If you’re into her, remember to express your interest in seeing her again before the night is up.
A simple, “I’d love to talk more about this sometime” or “I’d like to see you again” will make a real strong impression. She now has the chance to mull over the date with the positive energy of imagining seeing you again some time.
And if you mean it, always end the date with “I’ll call you.” If you don’t mean it, don’t say it! Just say, “It was really nice meeting you” and go on your merry way.
Your Next Move…
Well, now you have 15 totally accessible steps you can take that will absolutely make the best impression possible.
But if you feel like sticking to this list and this idea of being a “gentlemen” is stifling your personality, I have a few words…
Don’t worry about pouring your personality on her all at once. You are YOU and no amount of polite gentlemanly decorum can hide your fun personality. As the dates progress, you can see how you can start to bend some of the rules.
For example, you are now free to discuss religion, politics, and past relationships (keep this one to a minimum.) You can start to flirt a little more heavily and see if she has a good sense of humor about it. You can kiss her if you feel she has invited you to.
The important thing to remember before you go on a date is this: you are a giant pizza, laden with toppings: a fraction Hawaiian, a fraction pepperoni, a fraction olives and feta, a fraction plain cheese… You are more than a girl can take down at one sitting. (Heyo! That’s what she said!)
So relax. There is no benefit to forcing all of your personality and beliefs on her at once. There is time.
With each date, you will learn something new about each other. Enjoy the exploration. Enjoy the discovery.
And follow these guidelines.
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